Iiving among strangers

2003-02-12T02:49:00.000-06:00

Who still reads this? *confused*

2003-01-01T12:19:00.000-06:00

Have you checked it out yet? http://ablueblog.blogspot.com

2002-12-31T13:50:00.000-06:00

Well, it's been a good three and a half months for Purple Passion, but some change will do me good. Therefore, with the new year I will have a new blog -- one I plan to update on a regular basis. Be sure to check it out.

Thanks for stopping by!

2002-12-30T02:53:00.000-06:00

What's Playing   Surfin Madrid - Cosmic Solution
How I Feel           Content.
Last Thoughts   *grin*

This has been a great winter break so far and surprisingly stress-free. I'm really looking forward to the new year too. I love beginnings. There's always something very exciting about them. I will blog more later, but for now, I will lie in bed patiently waiting for the blue gel capsule to kick in. (Sleeping aids work best for me if I don't try to counteract their progress with activity.)

So the real question is, why am I not sleepy? I woke up at 8am this morning after getting 4 hours of sleep...

2002-12-22T03:41:00.000-06:00

I'm so hungry I'm about to collapse. 10 minutes till the pizza is done. I'm so sleepy I'm about to collape. 10 minutes till I zonk out completely.

Oh, the conundrum...

2002-12-15T13:35:00.000-06:00

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Emo Philips

"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."
Bruce Lee

"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Edgar Wallace

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
Dan Quayle

"College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil."
Ruby Wax

"I know you believe you understand what you think I said. But I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant."
Patrick Murray

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Mitch Hedberg

"A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself."
Lisa Kirk

"It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't."
Arthur Gore

"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like."
Jean Cocteau

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
Albert Einstein

"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
Ilie Nastase

"When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me."
Carrot Top

"What's another word for thesaurus?"
Steven Wright

2002-12-14T03:21:00.000-06:00

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?

GEEZUS. Who knew?!?

The Ultimate *Which Harry Potter Character are You?* Quiz

It was close -- between Harry and Hermione. Thank goodness I wasn't Ron, but too bad there wasn't a Cho Chang. :o)

2002-12-10T01:14:00.000-06:00

So purple passion is purple paling -- to the point of lilac. That's right, it's getting a face lift. So check back real soon for a wicked new blog. Ow ow ow, ROWR.

2002-12-09T23:24:00.000-06:00

lYNdAlN: I'm looking at my belly.
lYNdAlN: Judging by the size of it...
lYNdAlN: I might be pregnant again.
lYNdAlN: With twins.
XX: haha
XX: then i must be having triplets
lYNdAlN: *pokes tummy*
lYNdAlN: They're squishy thangs, ain't they?

2002-12-04T21:08:00.000-06:00

Told XX I'd fill this out for her. She owes me too. This thing was damned long.

Spell your name backward No, that's just pure silliness.
Where do you live? College Station, TX
Describe yourself in 4 words I am a conundrum.
Who is your worst enemy? myself
If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? a Weimarener puppy
What is the latest you've ever stayed up 32 hours straight that I can recall
Ever been to Belgium? only in dreams
What's your favorite coin? Dimes -- they're so small and so fun!

DESCRIBE YOUR
[Wallet] black keychain/wallet mix, has an aTm seal
[Brush] black and silver, sleek
[Toothbrush] Silver, lavender trim
[Jewelry worn daily]none, but thinking about wearing my watch again
[Pillow cover]Which pillow? I have 8 of them on my bed.
[Blanket]I have this plush, velvety burgundy one!
[Coffee cup] I eat the bean, I no drink the bean.
[Sunglasses] silver, blue rectangular lenses
[Underwear] red or black lace
[Shoes] black platform boots
[Handbag] black Guess hobo
[Favorite top] black V-neck, 3/4 sleeved
[Favorite pants] low-cut, frayed-waisted jeans
[Cologne/Perfume] BB&BW Sweet Pea body splash
[CD in stereo right now] Our Lady Peace, Gravity
[Tattoos] I used to want a tiny, tiny butterfly.
[Piercings] standard ear piercings
[Wearing] purple CK buttoned-up top and grey pants
[Hair] long -- dark brown, sometimes red
[Makeup] mascara and eyeliner

A Age finally legal
B Band at the moment, OLP
C Choice Of Meat Chicken, but there's nothing better than a juicy steak.
D Dream Date Eh, whatever. Fancy schmancy makes me a nervous Purvis.
E Excites You Everything, especially quick movement or flashy objects. I'm such a child, I know.
F Favorite Food Pasta. Bread. Egg Rolls. Steak. Broccoli. Cookies. Chicken strips. Chips. Salad... Get the picture?
G Greatest Gift The things a person can't buy for me.
H Happiest Day Of Your Life Hmmm...
I Internal Conflicts Haha, time to pull up a chair.
J Jealous Sometimes.
K Kool Aid Eh, never really drank that.
L Love Yes.
M Most Valuable Thing You Own My contact lenses. *shrug* So I'm practical.
N Name That's pure silliness.
O Outfit I Love See favorite top and favorite pants.
P Pizza Topping Schlotsky's Double Pepperoni & Double Cheese
Q Question I Want to Ask WHY
R Roots Ah. Too Asian. too American. And at the same time. Or is this asking about my hair?!?
S Sport to Watch tennis, women's gymnastics, cheerleading
T TV Show Dawson's Creek, House Hunters
U Unique Habits dissociation
V View from the Window part of a parking lot, and a grassy field
W Weather I Love cold weather 50s or low-humidty, sunny cooler weather (70s)
Y Yesterday's Best Meal this pasta dish I threw together
Z Zodiac Sign Taurus *paws ground*

current clothes This is the second time this has been asked.
current mood Wide awake.
current taste Fazoli's meatball Submarino
current hair braided
current annoyance the 3-point curve I received today on an exam I took last week
current smell Uh-oh... (see next line)
current thing you ought to be doing Keeping an eye on the STOVE.
current desktop picture various pink polka-dots -- it's SO Trading Spaces
current favorite groups Eh, more into songs than bands.
current book nothing now, I just read 4 [non-text]books in the past week
current DVD in player Nope.
current refreshment nada
current worry everything and anything
current crush I think crush is a silly term. But I have been intrigued by this guy in my ENTC class.
current favorite celebrity don't think too much about celebrities

[ Last time you... ]

Really smiled Just now -- the Travel Channel is doing a special on doggy resorts!
Laughed See previous line.
Cried Yesterday.
Bought something tonight's dinner
Danced not for a while
Were sarcastic the story of my life
Kissed someone last Tuesday, even though I said I wouldn't
Talked to an ex tonight -- we are still close
Watched your favorite movie a couple of weeks ago
Had a nightmare a week ago
Were lulled to sleep by the thought of someone Monday night

[ The last... ]

Book you read Girls Poker Night, Davis
Song you heard Want You Bad, Offspring
Thing you had to drink hot chocolate with marshmallows
Thing you ate Fazoli's meatball Submarino

[ Fashion ]

Do you wear a watch? not lately
How many coats and jackets do you own? I only brought 11 with me...
Most expensive item of clothing? I have a lot of clothes, but I don't go overboard with just one article of clothing.
What kind of shoes do you wear? those that are size 5.5

[ Friends ]

Do your friends 'know' you? "Nobody really "knows" anybody." --Rules of Attraction
What are they like? Loyal, sharp, understanding... and very appreciated.
Are there traits in you that are universally liked? Eh, it's hard to see myself through someone else's eyes.
Are there people that you tell everything to? If I ask, yes.

[ Other ]

Favorite band ever? No, this hasn't been asked already...
Most listened to bands? OLP at the moment
Do you find any musicians good-looking? I don't really go for celebrities.
Can you play an instrument? Let's just put it this way. In fifth grade, I was told by my music teacer that I could just act like I was playing the recorder during the school's Christmas production.
Type of music listened to pretty much anything except country
Type never listened to country

[ Religion ]

Do you detest religion Nope.
How do you think this universe was formed? Come ON -- that's like asking someone to fit a hamburger patty in a hotdog bun.
If you currently follow a religion, do you think people who belong to another religion are ignorant? Nope.

[ Homosexuality ]

What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands? As long as they're not making out -- 'cause PDAs, in general, suck.
Do you agree or disagree with gay or lesbian couples bringing up children? Eh. Gay schmay. Lesbian schmesbian.

[ General Questions ]

Whom do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment? Man? Snarf!
What do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day? Depends on where I am -- indoors or outdoors?
Do you consider yourself lucky? At times.
Do you feel pity for people who commit suicide? Not just sympathy, but empathy as well.
Choose one word to describe how you feel most often Lost.

[ Stuff ]

Do you own any plaid clothing? Sure.
Do you own Converse shoes? Nope.
Do you own Saucony shoes? Nope.
Do you own old school Nikes? Old school? Nope.
Do you wear tight pants Not usually.
Is there more than one zipper in your pants? On some of them, yeah.
Do you own a messenger bag Yeah.
Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest? Yes.
Do you own braces? Nope.
Are braces worn anywhere besides the mouth? Deenie (Judy Blume) wore braces because she had scoliosis.
Do you have short, shaggy hair? Nah.
Does your hairstyle exceed a height of 3 inches? Yes, 8 times as much, in fact.
Would you classify your hair as a deadly weapon? Only when wet -- I've knocked over many picture frames due to its length.
Do you think mohawks are neat? If you're part Pawnee, maybe. (Dances With Wolves)
Is your hair black or red? Both. Sorta.
Do you have a favorite brand of hair dye? Feria.
Do you own a bandana? Yes. A maroon one, from an organization I was in.
Do you wear plugs in your ears? Nah, Jen doesn't moan too loudly when she... JK.
Are you amused by safety pins? Nah, I've moved on to paper clips.
Have you ever used duct tape as a sewing substitute? Lord no. That's such a guy thing to do. :o)
Do you own one or more objects with studs or spikes in them? Doubtful, but not impossible.
Do you own one or more articles of clothing from Dogpile, Lip Service, or Tiger of London? Za?
Do you enjoy leopard print? Sure do.

2002-11-27T17:30:00.000-06:00

An incomplete list of the things I am thankful for...

(1) my family
(2) my friends
(3) whatever -- whomever -- made me check my tires before driving home
(4) the nice guy who helped me put air in my front-right tire at Texaco
(5) my family -- because I just don't say or show it enough
(6) XY, for being there for me when I needed him to be
(7) Dr. Bertrand, for allowing us to retake exam B since the class median was too low

2002-11-26T06:19:00.000-06:00

What's Playing   Bubble Toes - Jack Johnson
How I Feel           Wide awake.
Last Thoughts   Almost... finished... with my analysis!

Geezus! That thunder sure is loud. :o\

What Type Of Retro Gal Are You?

Neat trick?? :o)

2002-11-24T02:35:00.000-06:00

What's Playing   Hella Good - No Doubt
How I Feel           Completely amused.
Last Thoughts   It's nice that I can apply my engineering technology class to genitalia.

lYNdAlN: I hate it when you wash your hands...
lYNdAlN: And then you're like, wait, I gotta pee (not caused by the handwashing) and you're like, DAMN, I gotta wash them AGAIN.
lYNdAlN: Because your body decided at an inconvenient and non-soap-conserving time it needed to release the beast.
XY: I dont wash my hands after I pee
XY: I like barely have to AIM it, & besides - I wash my penis througly
XY: I really doubt its dirty
lYNdAlN: HAHAHAHA.
XY: clean penis
lYNdAlN: You've GOT to be joking.
lYNdAlN: The penis is in a warm, slightly damp space with little exposure to light.
lYNdAlN: PERFECT BREEDING FOR GERMS.
XY: Well... my penis isnt damp
lYNdAlN: I know.
lYNdAlN: But it's in a poorly ventilated space.
XY: my loins dont sweat when I walk
XY: haha
lYNdAlN: And though you might not feel the moisture, it's there.
XY: yea - well anyways ... relitavely clean - when I barely have to touch it to aim - my hands are probably more dirty than my penis
XY: touching railings & desks all day
XY: THATS dirty
lYNdAlN: I'll bet if you used that moisture content device in lab and stabbed your pants in the crotch area, it would give you a rating.
XY: I doubt it
lYNdAlN: I know, because it gave a rating from my friend's shirt.
lYNdAlN: And he wasn't sweating.
XY: I hate to break this too you - but our ENTC lab and all the tools in it - are about WWII technology level
XY: if you notice, that METER is in a wooden box
lYNdAlN: Not ours!
lYNdAlN: What fucked up meter did you use?
XY: Everything has moisture, even a piece of paper or some shit
lYNdAlN: I know!
lYNdAlN: You just proved my point.
XY: no cause you said "damp"
XY: thats a HIGH moisture content
XY: relatively speaking, its dry.
XY: Vaginas are another story
XY: "Hey Bertrand, I decided to do a different lab..." *Hands him paper MOISTURE CONTENT OF MALE/FEMALE GENITALS*
lYNdAlN: I stand corrected on the damp issue.
lYNdAlN: You have defeated me on a technicality.

[edit @ 1:08PM] I actually said slightly damp. So technically, I was right too. Ha! [/edit]

2002-11-20T07:58:00.000-06:00

What Office Space character are you?

Oh YEAH. Back up in your ass with the resurrection...

2002-11-19T07:38:00.000-06:00

Funny, this looks familiar.

2002-11-15T20:33:00.000-06:00

What's Playing   4am - Our Lady Peace
How I Feel           Disappointed
Last Thoughts   Are my library fees put to good use...?

I am so irritated with Evans. I went in expecting to walk out with six books. I only found one -- I even looked at all the "overflow" and "to be reshelved" racks. I know they're not checked out (unless they got by the system somehow), so apparently the remaining five books I wanted to read are missing, mis-shelved, or by some freak chance, one to five other persons desired to check them all out at the EXACT same moment that I did. Anyway, I ended up filling out five requests for the staff to search for the MIA books.

Oh well. It's a good thing I didn't need these books for class. And it's an even better thing that I actually found Shopgirl because at least I can dive into that tonight. But BAH -- I'm still pretty disappointed.

It would be nice to keep the door shut to the real world for just a little longer.

2002-11-15T18:38:00.000-06:00

Times New Roman is your bag. You are proper, have good grammar and may occasionally use Italics...

Funny. I hate Times New Roman.

2002-11-14T07:27:00.000-06:00

What Makeup Brand Are You?

2002-11-12T07:26:00.000-06:00

Heh.

The irony kills me.

2002-11-11T08:16:00.000-06:00

I don't wanna be a puppet for you
Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding
I don't wanna be a sucker for you, oh yes you
I hate myself for begging
I hate myself for staying
I hate myself for listening to you

Our Lady Peace, Do You Like It

I can't stop listening to this song...

2002-11-04T11:54:00.000-06:00

Still on an unofficial blogging sabbatical, I suppose. But I had a wonderful Halloween weekend. :o)

2002-10-31T07:42:00.000-06:00

Saw RENT last night. I couldn't concentrate on the first 30 minutes of it either. So many things on my mind that I nearly got up and left.

After a few hours of sleep and some perspective, the best I can come up with is, what's going on?

2002-10-30T07:43:00.000-06:00

... been getting a lot of whys, why nots, and general reminders regarding my lack of recent entries. Wish I had a better response than a simple "I know," but that's pretty much it. I know.

2002-10-29T07:53:00.000-06:00

I am Vern. I LOVE VERN!

which one of the trading spaces cast are you?

It's no surprise that Vern is an architect slash designer -- he uses both hemispheres of his brain like me! :o)

2002-09-18T07:48:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Here's to the Night - Eve6
How I Feel           Serene
Last Thoughts   Mmm...

The problem with keeping up with a blog is just that -- keeping up with it. It's been over a month since I've written an entry that is purely my own, and so much has happened since then. My trip to Boston, MA, my weekend with XY in Newport, RI, the blurry lines with XY and myself regarding our "friendship," the tumultuous desire for independence from my parents, the path of isolation I chose to take because, for a while, the excess of social contact just made me so tired.

I had intended to include a blog of all this before classes started this semester, to reflect on those events -- and others -- that happened the latter part of my summer. The problem is that trying to figure out what to say now when I haven't had a chance to think -- really think -- in such a long time is equivalent to watching the bus pull away just before one arrives at the bus stop. Now it just seems silly. What's happened has happened, and if the process through which one deals with these events has already begun, or, in some cases is already complete, there's no sense in going back. In other words, there's nothing to reflect on... Everything has already become a part of me.

So, yeah, three weeks after the fact, it's time to close up shop for summer 2002.

2002-09-03T08:16:00.000-05:00

Which Avril Lavigne Song Are You?

Wednesday, August 28 ( 1:43 AM )

XY: its the same way i felt senior year of HS. i've been here long enough to learn what i can from people, its time to move on
XY: oddly thats probaby the reason i came to school here
XY: certain things still spark my interest (like getting to know you in HS) but overall its just a waste of my time and this is probably why i will never get married
lYNdAlN: Explain the last part.
XY: marriage?
lYNdAlN: Yeah.
XY: i get bored with my close friends why wouldnt i get bored with someone i share everything with
lYNdAlN: Have you noticed that about our friendship?
XY: no offense but our friendship since i've known you has constantly been in flux
lYNdAlN: No offense taken.
lYNdAlN: Remember...
lYNdAlN: We have talked about this before.
lYNdAlN: So it's no surprised it's been withering.
XY: lynda i'm about to crash but your friendship has been the most interesting of any i've had. you haven't let me get away with stuff and you have also been the most forgiving and yet with XY its been the same friendship. between me and you it has changed a lot since i first started to know you senior year and well maybe thats what i would require in a wife but who knows
lYNdAlN: I see.
lYNdAlN: I think I see what you're saying...
lYNdAlN: Well, goodnight for now then...
XY: and because of that i value your friendship the most and yes it is time for bed. have a good day tomorrow and depending on what happens in my life i'll try to call you soon
lYNdAlN: I look forward to it. Take care, goodnight.
XY: night silly girl

Saturday, August 17 ( 12:54 AM )

What's Playing   Thief - Our Lady Peace
How I Feel           Mmmmmmhmm...
Last Thoughts   Two more days till Boston!

What exactly happens in that moment when a friend is no longer a friend... but something more? Not quite a crush, certainly not a relationship. But an unanswered question that lurks in your mind as you goes through the motions of a typical day. Smiling to yourself. Giddy.

Thinking about this someone... And wondering, what if?

Sunday, August 11 ( 1:57 AM )

What's Playing   The chaos in my head
How I Feel           Uncertain, confused
Last Thoughts   I don't know what to do...

It's 2 AM, and I am seconds away from falling asleep. But in the back of my mind, it lingers. Is it really any of his business? We've broken up, what could I possibly owe him now? Do I tell him -- or should some things just be left alone? And how do I know what is worthy of being shared and what should belong in a dusty box behind the closet door people forget to look into? And I wonder... If I did say something, would he even care?

I'm scared that answer would be no. I'm scared to experience that moment of truth. Because I know. I know that deep down, it meant more to me than it did to him. So I will smile. And he won't know...

But on the inside, the realization that I am still living among strangers tears me apart. Day by day.

2002-07-30T02:34:00.000-05:00

*looks down* Damn, these things are more accurate that I thought. :o)

[edit @ 9:47 AM on 9/18/02] Now THIS is hilarious. [/edit]

2002-07-29T02:16:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   The silence of the house
How I Feel           Groggy
Last Thoughts   Where's the sleep?

After an hour or so of reading, I finished my book tonight. I then turned off the lights to lie awake for another hour, in bed, listening. To the cars driving past the house. To the occasional bark of the neighbor's dog. To the faint humming of the air conditioner downstairs. To the settling of the floorboards in the hallway.

To the sounds that usually pass unnoticed as the rest of the world eases into tender drowsiness.

I would normally say that insomnia is a real bitch. A minute passes. Your mind races. The pillow feels hot. You try to be still. But the chaos builds. And suddenly, the sheets are suffocating you. Maybe the left side. Maybe the right. Maybe on your back. A toss. A turn. Which is it?

But not tonight. Tonight things are different. I like the stillness. The quiet soothes me. And the chaos? There is none.

2002-07-28T12:42:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Santeria - Sublime
How I Feel           So enchantingly blissful
Last Thoughts   Talk about things picking up where they left off...

A penny for my thoughts? Try seven pennies. Maybe even a dime...

You're taking all the space up in my head
With all the things that we could do and
All the things that could be said
It's hard for me to understand
The way I feel about you and the way it
Made me feel to hold your hand

Am I running out of time or am I at the
starting line?
I know I missed the mark yet I just need some
sort of sign...   MxPx, The Final Slowdance

Yep. That pretty much says it all.

2002-07-25T07:50:00.000-05:00

Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip

When you're on a holiday
You can't find the words to say
All the things that come to you
And I wanna feel it too

On an island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can't control my brain

Hip hip
Hip hip

When you're on a golden sea
You don't need no memory
Just a place to call your own
As we drift into the zone

On an island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can't control my brain
We'll run away together
We'll spend some time forever
We'll never feel bad anymore

Hip hip
Hip hip
Hip hip

On an island in the sun
We'll be playing and having fun
And it makes me feel so fine
I can't control my brain

We'll run away together
We'll spend some time forever
We'll never feel bad anymore

Hip hip

We'll never feel bad anymore
No no
We'll never feel bad anymore
No no
No no
No no

[insert images of cute little animals frolicking here]

2002-07-23T21:56:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Irresistible - Jessica Simpson
How I Feel           Totally spent
Last Thoughts   Blog first, sleep next.

... I'm trying to figure out what the current state of my bedroom, study, and bathroom -- the three rooms in which I spent the most time in -- say about me.

My bedroom, in plain view... if not on the floor:

Nike running shoes Adidas running shoes a copy of The Sexual Life of Catherine M. black five-inch diva boots Altoids Curiously Strong Citrus Sours charcoal messenger bag a copy of Para Que No Me Olivides Spanish dictionary body pillow Spanky brown zip-up boots Hallmark Gold Crown bag class notes from summer session I Bandolini sandals Guess purse cordless phone Dell catalog denim/rhinestone flip flops

The study, on the PC desk... if not on the floor:

Barnes & Noble bag BookStop bag College Bookstore bag a copy of The Unfinished Nation Sonic Wacky Pack Kids Meal toy XX's postcard from Caen, France Estee Lauder lipstick, eyeshadow and mascara telephone number and e-mail address of XX framed photo of XY and me Bath & Body Works bag Steve Maddens Gap flip flops Aggie 12th Man towel bottle of OPI nail polish, Shanghai Shimmer two Beanie Babies, Nanook and Wrinkles Neutrogena lotion Mint Skittles

The bathroom counter, oh boy...

SoftSoap, Fresh Picked Raspberry Bausch & Lomb contact lens cleaner Estee Lauder Counter-Blemish Lotion Revlon LipGlide, Champagne Punch Bonne Bell LipStix, I Scream CG washable waterproof mascara, black-brown Estee Lauder dual-blush set, Rose & Terra Victoria's Secret body lotion, Pretty in Pink Bath & Body Works body splash, Sweet Pea Revlon curling iron, 1.5"

D'oh. I have two things to say about this: One, I'm almost afraid to have people judge me by the contents of my surroundings! Two, I just realized how cool I truly am (notice the sarcasm dripping from each word) -- that I took the time to itemize the rooms in the house... :o\

2002-07-23T08:01:00.000-05:00

65% addicted to AIM...* 15% SEVERELY addicted to AIM.*

2002-07-22T23:40:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Till I Hear It From You - Gin Blossoms
How I Feel           Indecisive
Last Thoughts   To sleep or to study?

So I have an exam to take and a lab report due tomorrow in physics, and I am wondering why I waited till now to do something about it. That is, if chatting on IM counts as doing something about it. *sheepish look*

My instructor for physics is too cute. He's this frail, old Indian man who speaks VERY quickly with a thick accent. So today in class -- after I showed up 45 minutes late (that's another story, haha) -- he's reviewing everyone for tomorrow's exam. Anyway, I nearly choked laughing because twenty-five minutes into working out a problem, he says, "And see, when we solve for r we will find that it equals... OH MY GOD! There are TWO unknowns! Oh hell, I don't know anymore."

... mmm, some other things I feel like mentioning:

There are doggy kisses and doggy noseprints on the inside of my car window. Saturday, XY and I took Symba to Meyer Park where he very enthusiastically chased the ducks into the pond. Then he and I -- XY, not Symba -- went swinging on the swingset... It was so much fun. I haven't felt that carefree and crazy in a long time.

XY and I talked last night -- really talked -- and it was just like old times. God, it felt so great to talk to him. I got this incredible rush from it, and I still have butterflies in my stomach. Sometimes I wonder if there's ever a chance that he and I wou... Ugh! No, now's not a time to get all nostalgic and poignant. Lynda. C'mon. This isn't a Bronte novel. :o)

Instant Message Greeting of the Night @ 1:15 AM:

XY: I had rice today
XY: I thought of you
lYNdAlN: LOL!

Other news...

Never a dull moment at work either. Apparently we have teamed up with the DEA to catch another dope fiend... I asked XX how she would feel testifying against XY -- he's always a very cordial and loyal customer -- and to my amusement, her face light up. Slightly cackling, she said with glee, "I would LOVE to testify against him. I'm going to look him in the eye and point my finger gladly... 'That's him, that's him!'" Lol.

2002-07-22T03:16:00.000-05:00

Grrr. I am such a wussy... I still like XY. A lot. [Forrest Gump] Uh-lot uh-lot! [/Forrest Gump]

2002-07-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Complicated - Avril Lavigne
How I Feel           Quiet...
Last Thoughts   *smile*

So I am on Champions Forest Drive at 1960, waiting in my car for the light to turn green to enter Greenwood Forest. I decide to donate a dollar to some man holding a bucket... My mistake!

He says.... "Do you speak Spanish?"
I say.......... "Eh, un poco... I studied it for a few years."
He says.... "What's your faith?"
I say.......... "I'm Buddhist."
He says.... "Ah... So you're not Mexican?"
[pause]
I say.......... "I'm Vietnamese."
I think........ Damn, this light is taking a long time to turn green.
He says.... "Well I know how to say cam on, but that's it."
I think........ Stick to English, white dude.
He says.... "Say, are you going to heaven?"
I think........ Oh brother...
I say.......... "Well I hope so!"
He says.... "Well you know if you are Christian you are."
I stare at him blankly.
I think........ I wonder if it's too late to take my dollar bill back.
He says.... "I'm sorry, I don't mean to insul..."
I say.......... "I'm sorry. I am not interested. Thank you though."
He hands me a religious flyer.

2002-07-20T12:39:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Complicated - Avril Lavigne
How I Feel           Excited.
Last Thoughts   Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

Chill out
What you yellin for?
Lay back
It's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see...

I cannot stop listening to this song. In fact, between it, Underneath Your Clothes, Wonderful, and Without Me, my summer boppin' is complete... Yeah, I know. I'm weird. Easily amused. And have terrible taste in music. :o)

2002-07-20T00:17:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Ojos Así - Shakira
How I Feel           Perky.
Last Thoughts   Damn, I wish I had the time to continue my belly dancing lessons.

So I was informed by XX earlier today -- ahem, yes you -- that my blogs are more interesting when my IM conversations are posted. So the following entertainment has been provided through the indirect request of you:

XY: I actually got in uniform and went to campus today
XY: it was great
XY: walking around campus with the boots on
XY: spurs jinglin'
lYNdAlN: Really?
lYNdAlN: That's awesome!
XY: saying 'howdy' to all the '06 kids
lYNdAlN: New Student Conferences?
XY: yep
XY: people always asking me where stuff is
XY: since I got the boots on it makes me a campus map
lYNdAlN: Hahaha!
* * * * *
XY: did ya eat?
lYNdAlN: My pizza is ready.
XY: yeah well I have a ice cream bar
lYNdAlN: Lol.
lYNdAlN: I had to lay down while my pizza was heating up.
lYNdAlN: I don't feel so good.
XY: poor baby
XY: *pats head*
lYNdAlN: :o(
lYNdAlN: I'll probably feel better with some food.
XY: ill kiss it and make it better
lYNdAlN: I wish!
* * * * *
lYNdAlN: I wish I could visit!
lYNdAlN: It looks so pretty.
XY: you should
XY: you could stay with us
lYNdAlN: Would that be possible?
XY: getting here is the issue
XY: theres plenty of room
XY: my apartment is huge
lYNdAlN: Where would I fly into?
XY: ive got 2 roomates for the summer
XY: rdu
XY: raleigh/durham
lYNdAlN: You know... I might take you up on that...
lYNdAlN: I have a free week in August, but that's right before you guys start school.
lYNdAlN: I don't know how hectic that will be.
XY: you can come
XY: its fine with me
XY: but im gonna be home until the 24th
XY: or so
lYNdAlN: Really?
lYNdAlN: Hmm...
lYNdAlN: I don't know if I can come then now!
lYNdAlN: Bah.
XY: hmm
XY: do you have a fall break?
lYNdAlN: Nope.
lYNdAlN: Fall breakdown maybe.
* * * * *
lYNdAlN: So what's going on there?
XY: not much, XY is coming down so we are going to go relax up there and drink beer for the weekend
lYNdAlN: Bros, booze, and babes!
XY: lmao
XY: yeah, just need the babes part
lYNdAlN: With booze it will come.
XY: lmao
XY: no, booze usually makes them run away
lYNdAlN: LOL!
lYNdAlN: Not if they are boozed too.
XY: true
XY: but then they just use you for your booze
lYNdAlN: LOL!
lYNdAlN: Well it's a fair trade-off.
lYNdAlN: Boobs for booze.
lYNdAlN: Booze for boobs.
XY: lmao!!!!!!
* * * * *
lYNdAlN: I saw Road to Perdition the other night!
lYNdAlN: Hot damn, that was a good movie.
XX: really?
XX: it didn't look to good from previews so i wasn't sure if i would
lYNdAlN: IT IS DAMNED EXCELLENT.
lYNdAlN: Oh my god.
lYNdAlN: If it doesn't win three Oscars, I will have sex change.
XX: lol
XX: ill save this to make sure you follow through on this if it happens
lYNdAlN: LOL!
XX: i can take it to court to and they will order you to have it
lYNdAlN: But where will I get a whanker?
lYNdAlN: Does that count as a donated organ?
XX: you can get XY's
XX: OK IM SORRY
lYNdAlN: XX XX.
lYNdAlN: OH MY GOD.
lYNdAlN: Don't you ever say that again.
XX: lol
lYNdAlN: I WILL DISEMBOWL YOU.
lYNdAlN: There! I win!
* * * * *
XY: I'm back sweet wife, did thou miss me?
lYNdAlN: Well of course!
lYNdAlN: *lightbulb*
lYNdAlN: Come over here, big boy, and show me what you can do.
XY: lmfao!
XY: yeah we have a great marriage
XY: I try to be romantic and all you want is X
lYNdAlN: LOL!
XY: I'm not just a piece of meat!
XY: *sob*
lYNdAlN: You're right.
lYNdAlN: You're TWO pieces of meat.
lYNdAlN: :o)
XY: lmao!
XY: good point

2002-07-18T15:47:00.000-05:00

2002-07-18T00:48:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Absolute silence
How I Feel           Gettin' sleepy
Last Thoughts   Just another day...

I went out to eat with XY tonight at Bennigan's and ordered a "Death By Chocolate Martini." The waitress didn't card me, and I wonder why, especially since law requires employees to card anyone who appears to be under the age of 40... Oh well, it wouldn't have mattered anyway because I only had a few sips. Yeah, I didn't like it at all. However, coming from a lightweight such as myself (who thinks management should rename it the "Death by Alcohol Martini"), that shouldn't stop the next person from trying it. :o)

After dinner, we watched Road to Perdition. Excellent film.

[edit @ 1:19 AM] Y también compré un libro hoy de BookStop -- Para que no me Olvides -- por Marcela Serrano. Espero que pueda terminarlo; estoy nerviosa porque mis capacidades de leer y entender espanol son débiles. En realidad, sé no puedo comenzar leer el libro ahora -- no tengo el tiempo porque mi horario es una poca complicada... ¿Ay, por que lo había comprado? Eh, tal vez más tarde.

Me gustaría leerlo después de completar las clases de la segunda sesión pero antes de mudarme a CS en el otoño.... Lo leeré durante del mi viaje a New England en el fin de agosto. [/edit]

2002-07-17T14:05:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Creep - Radiohead
How I Feel           Muy contenta.
Last Thoughts   MY DAY OFF, WHOOP!

XY: You will live in Apartment.
XY: You will drive a green focus svt.
XY: You will marry lynda and have 57 kids.
XY: You will be a billionaire playboy in LA

XY: we must have had lots of unprotected sex
XY: or adopted a lot with my money
lYNdAlN: LOL.
lYNdAlN: I say the former.
XY: so you want to give birth 57 times
lYNdAlN: D'oh. I wasn't thinking about that.
lYNdAlN: THANKS XY.
lYNdAlN: That ruins it!
XY: im just saying we adopted the kids and still had lots of sex
XY: so no going through labor
XY: or carrying 57 kids for 9 months
lYNdAlN: I'll go for that then.
XY: sex is better when no kids have come out
lYNdAlN: That makes me think that the kids are falling out of a pant leg or something.

2002-07-15T23:55:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Nothing, just a bunch of IMs going on
How I Feel           Tired from work but amused
Last Thoughts   Summer school's starting to suck.

So I was thinking today in class -- my second one, since I skipped the first one... This really sucks. I don't want to sit inside for six hours a day, four days a week. Yeah, it's only going to be for six weeks, but there are other things I need to take care of as well. I can't bust my ass for a community college credit when I need to be working instead. That's right, baby. Bling bling. I need it, especially since my manager last year didn't know an empty 10-dram vial from the hole in his ass.

So it's time to revamp my five-year plan. :o(

What's worse is that I actually like my second class - a lot, actually -- but there are not enough hours in the week to complete the daily assignments. A quiz every day in addition to read over 70 pages a night is a bit ridiculous for a class, summer school or not...

Anyway, something else that relates to my five-year plan, at least indirectly... Ever since I slapped that College of Engineering stick on my car window, the birds have been shitting on it left and right. Right after I clean up their mess, there's another white plop caked on, crusted and splotchy. I never had a problem with the feather population with my Liberal Arts College sticker, and now they've gone cuckoo. My dear birdies, find another car to spew on... Like a Jeep Cherokee or something.

2002-07-15T09:23:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   crisp silence
How I Feel           Damn fucking good!
Last Thoughts   Great sleep two nights in a row!

Haha, second day of class, and I am skipping. Well skipping my first class (four hours long). Oh well -- it was storming and I can technically afford to do it, since NHMCCD employs sheer geniuses and I am not technically enrolled in my two classes. Example: they used my credit card and charged me $600 for someone else's tuition. What's worse is that I was standing right there when they did it too. I'm sorry, but do I look like a Russell Cartman (sorta sounds like SouthPark, huh) to you? Lol.

2002-07-14T19:49:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Cruisin' - Gweneth Paltrow & Huey Lewis
How I Feel           Exhausted but content
Last Thoughts   Way too tired to think, my dear

The weeks are going by so quickly. It's so unreal...

Three weeks ago

I was in College Station, visiting XX to party. Party is an understatement, by the way -- especially if it's a tamut and whatisplanb production. Think: four 21st birthday celebrations, cigarettes, pot, and over $500 worth of alcohol... Then let the imagination run wild.

Yes. And then some. :o)

Two weeks ago

I don't remember. What happened two weeks ago?!?

One week ago

I saw Minority Report (for the second time, and yes, I think it's that good) with XY. Through some freak chance, XY was at the same showing of the movie. My thoughts: Though he sort of resembles a goat now, I'd still get with him. For some reason, XY will always remain extremely desirable in my mind. The sad thing is that he's probably the same jackass he's always been -- if not worse. Example: he had parked in a handicapped space at the movie theatre. Haha, oh well. He's never treated me poorly, so I have no reason to complain.

... except that I never got a piece of him in high school. :oP

One week ago, I was also at House of Pies with XX. Over Bayou Goo and French Black-bottom, she and I had our weekly get-together. The subjects of conversation: B-O-Y-S. The audacity of people when they are delusional or emotionally-disordered. Virginity and sex. Insert: jokes about STDs, fat girls running after ice cream trucks, and the mole-infested neck of our waitress (not joking)... EWWWW!

And then there's this week

Let's just put it this way... I will be one productive chica. I already have 56 hours of the next five days planned out.

2002-07-13T21:32:00.000-05:00

Dude, I can't believe I just drove 30 minutes in that storm to buy a $50 book...

2002-07-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Southside - Moby & Gwen Stefani
How I Feel           Absolutely tickled
Last Thoughts   Whoa, you can play M.A.S.H. online!

XX just IMed me the link...

Boys Kyle, Richard, Robbie, and Eric
Automobiles TT, 2054 Lexus, Landcruiser, Passat, Xterra
Color black, green, silver blue, champagne
# of kids 1, 2, 3, 0, 4
Location Boston, NYC, Denver, Raleigh
Job none, RX tech, ID, psychologist
Favorite number 12

results
   o   "You will live in Shack.
   o   You will drive a champagne Landcruiser.
   o   You will marry Richard and have 4 kids.
   o   You will be [unemployed] in Denver."

Hmm, guess suga and I spent it all on the s.u.v. :o)

I just IMed the link to XX, and she reminded me that of the five choices, one had to be a no-way-in-hell option. Dude, I had forgotten about that rule! Revamp...

Boys Kyle, Richard, Robbie, Eric, Rodney
Automobiles 2054 Lexus, Xterra, Supra, TT, Nova
Color black, green, silver blue, hot pink
# of kids 1, 2, 3, 4, 14
Location Denver, Boston, Atlanta, L.A., Bryan
Job ID, I/O, RX tech, COO, plumber
Favorite number 54

results
   o   "You will live in Apartment.
   o   You will drive a silver Nova.
   o   You will marry Kyle and have 4 kids.
   o   You will be a ID in Boston."

Not bad at all, except that I drive a Chevy. Anyway, I was afraid I would have to marry Rodney. Lord knows XX would be right and my kids would all have one golden tooth.

2002-07-10T21:49:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Kick Some Ass - Stroke 9
How I Feel           Rrrrowl!
Last Thoughts   Watch out, world!

One Bebe skirt, a pair of BR pants, some Express Capris, and two department store shirts later... I feel powerful. In addition to that, I also bought some damned sexy shiny black platform Mary Janes to go with this chic charcoal-grey skirt-suit that I own.

It's like the destruction of innocence. But in the form of size-three shoes.

2002-07-07T22:40:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
How I Feel           Amused to NO end.
Last Thoughts   Lolololololololololol... :o)

So tonight, I left Instant Messenger running during dinner and came back to this:

"July 7, 2002

XY didn't call today. I even lit the tea light candles I placed around his picture and his lock of hair, but that didn't help. I hate being ignored! I wonder if he read the 7 live journal entries I posted today? Maybe he's noticed that I use my live journal to slyly hint at things I don't have the balls to say to his face...

"Dammit! I know he's with Lynda. I have telepathic powers, and I know all about him and Lynda. They're having an affair! I'm going to sob hysterically into my pillow for the 8th time within the past hour...

"I hope XY reads this! Then maybe he'll call me finally. I haven't talked to him in 24 hours! I know we're 'friends' and all, but I've deluded myself into thinking that he and I are married. I'm going to change my last name to [his] and stuff a cantaloupe under my dress. Then maybe he'll think I'm going to have his baby...

"Wow, I can't believe I already graduated from college, and I'm still acting like a kindergartener! Thank goodness I don't have to get a real job, because Mommy and Daddy can pay for me to follow XY around all day and take pictures of him to add to my collection. Sometimes I like to dress up like XY and stand in front of the mirror and kiss my hand...

"I'm getting a telepathic signal! It's from XY. I like saying his name, and I like typing it too. XY XY XY XY XY XY. Anyway, I can HEAR his thoughts. He's saying, 'Lynda is a pessimistic bitch.' Hmm, actually, this signal is a little staticky, so I'm not sure. He could actually be saying he wants a pedicure."

Oh my cow, I've got some witty friends. I nearly soiled my knickers after reading that too.

[edit @ 11:10 PM] The ironic thing is that no one knows about my online journal. Just David -- he helped me set it up -- and XX, who met David through me. But neither one of them sent me that Instant Message... which makes the whole thing is just so damned funnier. [/edit]

2002-07-07T12:34:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks
How I Feel           Ponderous
Last Thoughts   Holy crap, it's already past noon? :o(

For a girl who has gotten used to waking up at 6am Monday-Thursday and 8am Friday-Sunday, it's absolute havoc to readjust my biological clock to "regular mode" -- in this case a noon sleep-in. Anyway, I will write more later. I need to shower and meet up with XX.

[edit @ 1:42 PM] Well now I have some time to kill...

Well aren't I a fucking chameleon! [/edit]

2002-07-07T03:37:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Another Brick in the Wall - Pink Floyd
How I Feel           So hungry I would eat my own babies.
Last Thoughts   When's my pizza going to be ready?!?!

So I have collection of ex-girlfriends. Emotional, petty, insecure -- they're crazy! Of course, they're not really my ex-girlfriends, though I did get hit on the other day by a lesbian (she was attractive, and I was flattered). But I'll bet my left breast -- that's the larger one -- that she, too, has a crazy ex-girlfriend lurking in the shadows... Ready to beat me senseless with a cheap Wal-Mart Adidas-imitation sandal.

Anyway, I started thinking... Why won't they leave me alone? Even when I have a boyfriend, they won't leave me alone. From trespassing on my property, vandalizing my posessions, visiting me at work, prank-calling my house, spreading lies on the Internet... They honestly will stop at nothing. And all for what? A guy? Public sympathy? A cheap self-esteem boost?

Ex-girlfriend Case Study No. 6

nickname(s)    Man Brows, Psychotic Hosebeast
  category     "So he popped your cherry. Get over it."
  location     Any dark, cyber alley

status Pending, there's some hope for bipolar I.

So after keeping silent for over two years, I finally talked to XY about it -- I told him everything. What I was thinking. How I was feeling. Why and for how long. I even cried. Yeah. I did. I don't know what's more pathetic, me sobbing over a pair of bushy eyebrows, or the ex-girlfriend thinking I am some sort of threat to her relationship with a guy who has worse things to say about her than she could ever imagine spreading about me. Oh well. There's always carbamazepine.

[edit @ 3:45 AM] On a much better note, happy birthday to Kyle and Scott, the big 2-4, ow ow... [/edit]

2002-07-02T01:16:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Rover Take Over - Lords of Acid
How I Feel           Very accomplished!
Last Thoughts   I am more than halfway done with my Am Hist assignment.

I wasn't planning on posting -- I haven't had the chance really -- but this just came up and I am taking a break, so here it goes:

XY: Hey!
XY: You're still up
lYNdAlN: Hey you!
lYNdAlN: Yep, I am. Been posting some discussion responses for my online history class. What have you been doing?
XY: wasting time online!
lYNdAlN: Hahaha, right.
XY: It's fantastic
XY: Do you know where a schlotsky's is around here?
XY: Hey, sorry about earlier, in the car.
lYNdAlN: There's one on 1960 and Champions Forest.
lYNdAlN: Tucked into the front part by 1960.
lYNdAlN: And there's one on 1960 and Jones, across from the CiCi's on Jones.
lYNdAlN: What are you sorry about?
XY: Oh you know, trying to kiss you
lYNdAlN: Yeah, mister I-don't-listen-and-gonna-try-anyway.
lYNdAlN: Lol.
lYNdAlN: All is forgiven.
lYNdAlN: Just don't do that again. *grin*
XY: no problem
XY: Well, I'm off
XY: Talk to you soon
lYNdAlN: Mmmkay.
XY: Hopefully we can hang out for longer than an hour soon
lYNdAlN: I hope you have a good day. Yeah, call me.
XY: you too
XY: I will
XY: Goodnight

I took a crayon and drew the line. I told him, "Uh-uh, mister!" But no, he had to color outside the line. Why do boys ALWAYS color outside the lines?

2002-06-23T11:03:00.000-05:00

"I told you that I only remember my dreams on rare occasions. More than once I've told you, and you were always intrigued by the notion. You, for whom dreams are such a salient part of your existence. I remember lying on the sofa with you, my arms holding you close, your head resting on my bare chest. I felt your breathing grow heavy as you dozed off, until you would shudder and gasp and wake up. You looked around, confused, disoriented, until you looked up at me, into my eyes, and smiled a weary smile. I wondered about the ghosts that haunted you, and I wished I could be there, always, to protect you, to comfort you, just to be there when they were gone.

"I do dream, though. Sometimes, I wake up and watch the fleeting moments fade like an apparition as the subconscious and reality return to their rightful places. It was like that just days ago, when I watched you fade from my arms, one lonely 6:30 morning.

"We create our own ghosts, and we are haunted by them. By ourselves. And I am haunted by you.

"You're right, though. I did just leave. Thirty hours. Seventeen hundred miles. A carful of baggage. The future was West, so that's where I headed. I wondered if it was smart. Or maybe just cowardly. I wondered if I was leaving the best thing that's happened to me behind. For good. I wondered. I wondered if I should have just driven past and never stopped. Would I never have asked 'what if?' had I just driven past?"

Hot damn. HOT DAMN.

2002-06-22T11:21:00.000-05:00

I was bad. I slept in till 10:34 AM this morning...

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

[edit @ 6:23 PM] I finally registered for a Hallmark Gold Crown card. Whoop! [/edit]

2002-06-21T11:08:00.000-05:00

Prince William is celebrating his birthday today!

The post office must have lost my invitation again.

For the sixth year in a row.

2002-06-19T08:00:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here in the computer lab, and the woman adjacent to me at another station continues to clear her throat. Loudly. With the force of twenty lions.

She scares me. :o\

[edit @ 3:40 PM] Courtesy of XX. Heehee...

I don't see how I am an attack banana. Why does XX get to be the colourful snail with a powerful flashlight? :o) [/edit]

2002-06-18T07:04:00.000-05:00

"You know, the Internet is a lot less interesting on dial-up than on the school's T-3."

I agree. :o)

2002-06-17T09:51:00.000-05:00

The quotation in question: "Seriously. Is everyone in Texas overweight or is it just me?"

XX: she mentioned overweight people...i want to say well theyre just as much a problem as overly skinny people who have no meat on their bones
lYNdAlN: Like her.
lYNdAlN: She's a female twig.
lYNdAlN: Twig girl, twig girl!
XX: lol
XX: yesss
lYNdAlN: "Shut up, twig girl. Else the wind will blow and you will snap."
XX: no one wants to see bones in a bathing suit
lYNdAlN: Oh my god.
lYNdAlN: My sides hurt.
XX: thats hilarious!

2002-06-16T10:59:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Too Bad - Nickelback
How I Feel           Wide awake now.
Last Thoughts   I am the only person active and not away on my buddy list now.

I was so happy when XX came to Houston Friday night! I was at work, looked up and there she was, with XY. What a wonderful surprise!

Aww. I miss my friends in College Station. :o(

Being home is wonderful, but one of the great things about being up at school is the flux of social interaction. Everything in college is a social event -- going to Wal-Mart, checking mail, getting a haircut. All errands become social events. And the errands that are not are designated as big and important. Oooooh... :o)

Another thing about being away from home is the fact that I don't have to answer to anyone. If I need to leave, I am out the door. No questions, no answers. I complete what I need or what I want to do. At home, it's a little different. More of the "where are you going, who are you going with, when will you be home..." goes on. I will always be the baby of family when I am home, I suppose. :oP

XY: I still can't believe you're not staying in cs this summer!
XY: I'll have nobody to bust out with
XY: bust out=be extremely hyper crazy and funny to everyone else
lYNdAlN: Lol!
XY: I can only do it with 2 other souls
XY: my 2 best friends
lYNdAlN: That's going to be my new expression now.
XY: XY is the crazy funny kind and XY is the crazy whack I can't believe he's saying this kind
lYNdAlN:Bust out!
XY: both are very good
XY: yeah
XY: it's just like you're chill
lYNdAlN: Dude, you know a guy named XY?!?
XY: and then you meet this friend and ya'll both just go from chill to craaaaaaaaaaazy
XY: yeah
XY: he is one of my dual best friends
* * * * *
XX: you know what would be cool....you come into town tonight and then go back tomorrow
XX: ok!
lYNdAlN: LOL. Why would I do that?
XX: see you tonight
XX: b/c you love me so much and theres a party tonight so there will be something to do
lYNdAlN: Will there be someone to do?
lYNdAlN: Haha, just kidding.
XX: plenty!
lYNdAlN: I wish I could!
lYNdAlN: But XX and her parents are already expecting me.
XX: they always get in the way
XX: jk
lYNdAlN: Haha, no kidding.
lYNdAlN: Parental units are like that. JK.
lYNdAlN: But thank you!
lYNdAlN: You have to let me know about the next one.
lYNdAlN: So I can get my skank on. JK.
XX: june 28th is the next big one
lYNdAlN: Seriously?
lYNdAlN: Hmm...
lYNdAlN: *licks lips* Fresh meat!
* * * * *
XY: why are you still up?
lYNdAlN: So how did last weekend go?
lYNdAlN: I didn't get to ask you.
lYNdAlN: Why am I still up?
XY: fantastic!
XY: you should have come
XY: it was a pretty big party
lYNdAlN: Good question. I have to be up at six.
XY: oh fuck
lYNdAlN: Haha, did you get wasted, or just so-so?
XY: oh i got wasted
lYNdAlN: On what?
XY: i'm pretty toasty right now actually
XY: beer, trash can punch
XY: tonight, vodka, beer, shots
lYNdAlN: Hot damn.
XY: so you're not dating XY any more?
lYNdAlN: You must have a high tolerance.
XY: oh i do
lYNdAlN: Haha. XY -- is that a German spelling?
XY: you have no idea how much i drank
XY: tons
lYNdAlN: Nah, we broke up.
XY: like 15 drinks at least
XY: XY is how one of my friends spells it
lYNdAlN: Holy shit. Did you keep it all down?
XY: i'm surprised i can even type right now
XY: high metabolism, and over a long time period
XY: i imed you today
XY: you should feel special
lYNdAlN: Haha, I know.
lYNdAlN: You still dating XX?
XY: XX, sort of
XY: is that german? :-p
lYNdAlN: I don't know.
XY: j/k
lYNdAlN: I'm not white.
lYNdAlN: Hush, you.
XY: that was a XY/XY joke
lYNdAlN: Damn. I just got it too *shame*
lYNdAlN: Thanks for making me feel dumb! JK.
XY: it's ok
XY: don't feel dumb
lYNdAlN: So who all is living in the house now?
lYNdAlN: You and XY?
XY: me, XY, XY
XY: XY you don't know
XY: later XY
lYNdAlN: Is XY hot? Haha, I'm so bad.
XY: no
XY: not any hotter than me at least

2002-06-16T09:50:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Sway - Bic Runga
How I Feel           Tenderly drowsy.
Last Thoughts   I'm going to make today a Sunday.

Even though it is Sunday, I feel like making it my Sunday. Lately I have been so consumed with checking things off my "to do" list that doing whatever hasn't been a priority. Well today, damn it, it will be! :o)

[edit @ 3:19 PM on Monday, June 17] By the way, I really hate it when a person *cough*XY*cough* says he will call and doesn't. What's the point? Situation A: I am not expecting a call. Situation B: I then expect a call and am let down. Why not turn Situation A into Situation C -- a pleasant surprise, to call when there is no expectation?

I say: So it's a good thing I didn't wait for you to call. I'd be covered in dust!
XY says: Man, I really should get a planner.
I think: Yeah, that's a good idea. Why don't you write our relationship down?

Boys are so dumb! :o) [/edit]

2002-06-15T01:49:00.000-05:00

Life really sucks sometimes. I wish that things would just float away.

2002-06-14T11:09:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Faded - Soul Decision
How I Feel           ¡Muy contenta!
Last Thoughts   Poor XY, I hope he gets to feeling better.

I watched Detroit win the Stanley Cup last night. It was very exciting, that last period, especially since Carolina had a chance to tie the game. That is, until their keeper abandoned the post! I wonder if that guy feels like a moron.

2002-06-13T10:56:00.000-05:00

I had a horrible dream last night. I dreamt that all the stuffed animals and little trinkets in my bedroom -- and there are a lot, because I am a collector of things fuzzy, little, or fuzzy and little -- came alive! It was a nightmare. They were all posessed... and angry! Very, very angry. But why were they angry?!? And at me?!? :o(

Whoopi Goldberg was there. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. Not to mention very good sleep.

2002-06-12T08:35:00.000-05:00

Lynda so schleepy... Las mananas que empiezan a las seis son muy malas para mi salud.

2002-06-11T08:25:00.000-05:00

"And somehow now it is I who becomes cautious with words like "true" and "love". How it joys the English major inside of me to find irony, the grandfather of all literary devices, creeping once again into my life. How things can feel true-er or love-er and yet hide from the abandon that they should embrace."

Hot damn.

[edit @ 4:44 PM] "Damn" is also what I said when I ran into XY this morning. XY! This guy was hot in high school. The all-American guy, he could have been an Abercrombie model: blue eyes, blonde hair, tall, lean, and muscular. He also had a nice tight ass, but I only know this because I used to be an athletic trainer and there were numerous occasions when, as a football player, he would wear less-than-clothing. The nice thing about XY was that he wasn't the typical jock, and he was always very sweet and caring towards XX, when he dated her for that brief period.

Anyway, too bad he's packed a few pounds partying it up in college. This reminds me of when I partied with XX at XY/XY's in Austin, and XY was there. He, too, gained half of the Alps in weight, due to excessive drinking. Well, he was always a big guy -- I remember he was into the whole creatine thing -- but honestly, what a waste! :o(

Cute boys always turn dumb. [/edit]

2002-06-10T22:03:00.000-05:00

... I just got flea killer in my left eye! Lol. I was snapping the Frontline tube off to use on Nicky, and a drop of it splashed upward. The funny thing is that I stood there long enough to wonder why there was no stinging sensation. I even waited a couple of more seconds too, before I removed my contact to rinse out my eye (just in case).

This morning as I was brushing my hair, a wasp fell from the ceiling onto my bathroom tile. How in the world does a wasp fall?

What a strange day this has been! I wonder what will happen tomorrow...

2002-06-10T06:18:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Eh, nothing.
How I Feel           Surprisingly wide awake.
Last Thoughts   None, really. :o)

On of the nice things about being home is having access to a kitchen. When I'm away at school, particularly since I lived on campus, I rarely have the opportunity to cook. Granted, I'm no Iron Chef, but with the exception of an excessively cheesy spinach/artichoke dip, I've never been culinarily excommunicated . Anyway, one of my favorite foods to have for breakfast is sunny-side up eggs -- which is what I am having right now. Mmm!

So my family went to California on Friday. I did not (I curse the three exams and three quizzes that I have this week), and instead, spent the weekend at XX's house with her family. She and I went to dinner and Rice Village and then saw Enough at Studio 30. Though the movie scared the shit out of me (yes, I'm a short 'fraidy cat), at one point, XX made me laugh so hard I was afraid I would have to leave the theatre. I don't know what it is about her laughter, but it's like an incurable contagion. I remember sophomore year, she and I had attended this informal lecture about Cuba, and I near wet my knickers because she started giggling at the professor's photos of farm animals. Lucky for me he was hard of hearing and didn't seem to notice.

Anyway, there were two guys sitting to the right of me during the movie, and apparently the guy on the far right chose not to turn his cell phone ringer off.

ring ring ring
The guy: Yeah?
(pause)
The guy: What's up, nigga?
[insert XX's unsupressed laughter]

I didn't know why XX was laughing, but I resorted to throwing my Starburst wrappers at her (in a lame effort) to get her to stop. Thankfully before I there was a misunderstanding, she did, and I found out later she was amused and appalled that people actually used the expression "nigga" in a casual way.

After the movie, she and I ran into XY on the way to the parking lot, and I can't help but think how freakishly small this world is, even in a city as large as Houston. I met XY through an organization at A&M, but he actually knows XX because he attended Strake Jesuit with XY. Furthermore, Strake is the brother school of Saint Agnes, XX's high school.

Speaking of XX, I wonder if she and I are having a good time in France. It seems as though this is a popular summer for college students to visit Europe. XX is taking a British literature class at Oxford in a few weeks. XY and XY are travelling all over. Lucky them!

2002-06-07T14:28:00.000-05:00

XX: i think the first guy i ever dated here lives in McFadden
lYNdAlN: WHO!?!?
lYNdAlN: Tell me!
XX: his name is XY
lYNdAlN: Is he eye candy?
XX: ohhhh yes
XX: he is very sexy
XX: but it didn't work out because XX got in the way, so i wonder what would have happened had things been different
lYNdAlN: Damn.
lYNdAlN: That sucks!
XX: yeah
XX: oh well
XX: i'll have to find myself another eye candy
lYNdAlN: Mmmhmm!
lYNdAlN: Just don't get any cavities.

2002-06-07T02:07:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Zip-Lock - Lit
How I Feel           Good -- but wishy-washy.
Last Thoughts   Talk about the irony...

I just spent the entire night with XY. We had plans to see Sum of All Fears but ended up missing the movie because we lost track of time, just talking and catching up. I rarely get a chance to see XY -- but when I do, it's usually in the company of two or three other people. Tonight, however, it was just him.

2002-06-06T18:42:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Crush - DMB
How I Feel           Productive
Last Thoughts   Rrrr rrrrr, I'm hungry!

I am at the halfway mark of unpacking, sorting, and repacking all my boxes! Go me. The upstairs doesn't quite look undisastrous, but it's getting there. Actually, compared to what it has been the past three weeks, I should win some sort of Suzy Homemaker award.

... I e-mailed XY the other day, since he and I haven't talked in a while. It's weird because for the past three or so years, we would talk for hours on a daily basis. And now, it's as though he has dropped off the face of the planet. Maybe he hasn't been online at the same times I have been, but that's highly doubtful given one, the fact that I have a serious and committed relationship with the yellow AIM guy, and two, my history class is practically a long distance online course which requires me to be online even more obessively than I usually am. Anyway, I imagine he's doing well, just out of town or extremely busy... But it would be nice to know what's happening on his side of the world.

Speaking of catching up with people, I had the chance to speak with XY last night. I was really surprised to hear my cell phone ringing, and even more surprised that it was him. It makes me really happy that I'm able to keep in touch with friends from out of state, because it's really hard to keep in touch with anybody, especially people who don't frequent Instant Messenger as I do.

I also had the chance to talk to XX for a bit last night. She's doing really well, and I'm so happy for her! She graduated from KU and will start an internship soon in Phoenix doing what she's been dreaming of -- music therapy. She's going to be really good at that, I just know it. It's funny because she and I were never really close in high school, for a number of reasons. One, she's a year older; two, she's changed quite a bit since then; three, we both were just so busy doing our own things. We still are, but it's nice to know that we remain close and can pick up right where we leave off. Sadly, that can't be said for everyone.

"Distance is a factor, but shouldn't be an ending factor. I get really angry when convenience comes before anything else. What? No effort should be involved? Thanks. Glad our friendship was that great..." XX, regarding the fading of friendships

XX and I used to have this conversation a lot -- about growing up and not knowing when (or if) one should move on. She was having some problems with a best friend from high school, while I was pretty much in the same boat with people I had lost contact with. Anyway, she and I both realize that growing up and moving on is a part of life.

But too bad that's easier said than done.

2002-06-06T16:45:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   You Say - Vertical Horizon
How I Feel           Bouncy and energetic!
Last Thoughts   My dial-up service would stab me in the eye if that were possible.

… I skipped my second class yesterday (shhh) and went to Wal-Mart and the mall. I discovered this new exciting lip-gloss by Revlon and thoroughly tested every scent at Bath & Body Works... Mmm, Sweet Pea Body or Coconut Lime? Sweet Pea. Coconut lime. SWEET PEA! Haha. It was a tough decision to make, I know, but I chose well.

Now I can’t stop sniffing my arm.

2002-06-06T09:47:00.000-05:00

Tuesday XY came with me to Tomball to purchase some of my textbooks. Afterwards we had lunch at Antones -- my first time! -- and I ended up choking on lettuce because he and I couldn't stop laughing at everything. It was one of those days in which we were chronically tickled. First it was the chicken in my sandwich; it kept slipping from between my bread. Then it was the ranch dressing that continually made disgusting plopping noises. Add to that the unexpected overdose of me using the word “like” and all the unintended sexual innuendos that resulted from what should have been an ordinary meal. XY at one point also began to choke, laughing at something I said -- I can't remember what now -- and that in turn caused me to mock his suffering.

Afterwards we got some ice cream at Marble Slab. He and I decided to walk around the shopping center but it was so hot outside that the ice cream immediately began to run down our waffle cones. The melting process was happening so quickly that I honestly couldn't walk and eat at the same time, so I suggested we sit down on the sidewalk. Lol. So there we are, sitting on the curb in this parking lot, eating ice cream cones, squinting and shielding our faces with sticky hands (the sunlight was reflecting off of the bright white concrete)... It was pathetic sight, definitely worthy of a more few laughs.

We also stopped by The Great Indoors... That store is absolutely huge! Not to mention nice. And expensive! I needed to look at bedding stuff for the apartment, but he and I ended up checking out the entire store. Anyway, I found the bathtub of my dreams in “The Great Bathroom” area: freestanding and white, it was like the one in Unfaithful, but enormous!

I must have this tub one day. I refuse to bubble bathe in anything else.

2002-06-05T06:54:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Absolutely nothing
How I Feel           Sleepy!
Last Thoughts   Yeah, I went to bed after 2am...

Now that I've taken up a second major, I've had to rearrange my coursework to include summer school. As a result, I am taking an ordinary American history class at a nearby commuity college. I'm a little disappointed I don't have the opportunity to take something more interesting, like History of the American City or History of Religion in America, but due to scheduling constraints with A&M, it's best if I use my resident credits for classes in my majors.

Community college makes me feel like I'm back in high school again, grade thirteen or something. I can't quite place why though...

The mandatory attendance? I honestly hate it when teachers count attendance as part of one's grade. If I can earn an A without attending class, then obviously there's a problem with the quality of the instructor's teaching ability, and going to class would be a waste of time anyway. The extended in-class lectures? For my one summer school course, I am in class for a total of 52 hours (over a six week session). For the equivalent course at A&M, I would meet for 37.5 hours, a difference of more than fourteen hours. The ridiculous workload and busywork involved? My summer school class: one textbook, three novels, three exams, three papers, and eight quizzes. The equivalent course at A&M: one textbook, three novels, four exams, and one paper. The instructors' attempts to discipline instead of teach? There seems to be quite a bit of authoritarian nagging going on in community college... The immature attitudes of some of the students? In my American government class, we were discussing democracy in relation to the September 11 attacks. A student raised his hand and said, rather ignorantly (in my opinon), "Why don't they understand that the U.S. must be better than their country because we've become so powerful in such a short period of time?" Umm, hello? Didn't Hitler's fascism gain quite a bit of momentum rather quickly? That's like saying one-hit wonders like that Tubthumpin' song by Chumbawanba indicate musical greatness.

Anyway, I love community college. It makes me feel old. Old enough to have an ulcer and a mortgage by now, as a matter of fact. (That was a quotation from XY, by the way.)

2002-06-02T17:17:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   I Will - Lucia
How I Feel           Mmmmmm!
Last Thoughts   Mmm, XY and XX are meant for each other, the psychotic, bipolar bitches!

I have an appointment to get my hair cut. I'm excited! But at the same time, a little nervous. I actually measured it -- 22 inches of hair! With that length I could strangle someone around the neck if I chose to. I actually don't mind my hair this length, except there are two problems: (1) for every one bottle of shampoo that I use, I go through two bottles of conditioner, and (2) it takes forever for my hair to dry. Anyway, I am looking for a change... And hopefully a nice one!

So the altruistic nature of people toward complete strangers never ceases to amaze me. Example: Yesterday at the bookstore, I couldn't find the textbook that I needed, so I asked this random guy if he knew. Instead of just directing me where to go, he took me to the actual shelf where my book was located. Seeing that I couldn't reach the book (there was a huge stack of them on a tall shelf), he also pulled one off for me. It was very nice of him to do that because he wasn't an employee, and he certainly didn't have to do that. Example: The other day I had parked my car and as I was walking away from it, a woman driving by called out to me, "Excuse me, do your lights turn off automatically?" I was touched because she was kind enough to make sure I knew they were still on. Example: My mom met a man the other day, apparently a vice-president of a department at Compaq (Hewlett Packard now, I suppose). He gave my mom his business card told her he would do what he could to help me out with a job after graduation... Needless to say, his offer was very generous and he certainly didn't have to make that committment, considering the casual circumstances of the situation.

2002-06-02T11:20:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Crossroads - Dexter Freebish
How I Feel           Wide awake!!!
Last Thoughts   Just trying to organize my thoughts...

I have a lot to write right now, but it's hard to lay everything out in a way that will make sense later, so I'll stop trying to do that. Here it goes. Delving into the mind of Lynda on this Sunday morning:

indecision sucks the past why didn't XY say something earlier thank goodness for XX "... some day your paths may cross again" I wonder how XY is doing it's been almost three weeks now Sonic has new Wacky Pack children's toys I miss my ducks yay, I get to see XY later this week

I have a lot on my mind. To add to that, I snoozed in yesterday and today (till 10.30am), and now my circadian schedule feels slightly tossed around. Anyway, I was up last night trying to sort through some things that had accumulated throughout the last week.

One of them, an incident that pulled me back in time to a period that I had completely forgotten about. Well maybe not completely, but I did move on, and Wednesday night, XY emerged from the woodwork that I like to call the past and I just had no idea he was feeling the way he did about me the last six years. He and I hadn't talked very much in about three years -- I thought it was because we were both so busy at our respective universities, but apparently he was avoiding me. Isn't that nice? So then the truth comes out on Instant Messenger and I'm left wondering two things: "What just happened?" and "What happens now?"

Anyway, as I mentioned, this occurred on Wednesday, and Wednesday was "one of those days." I just wanted to curl up in some remote corner of the world, immerse myself in a book, and minimize people contact. It was a day when being alone was all the company I needed.

Instead, I had class and a five-hour work shift scheduled. Summer school was painfully boring and unmistakenly a waste of time, and work ended up being unusually crappy. Every old person was crusty, crabby, and crazy. All the baby-boomers were platinum card, upper-middle class snobs. And the teeny-boppers -- they, of course, bitched about birth control and acne medication.

Thursday -- it was such a beautiful (but hot) day outside that I just couldn't bear to sit in a sterile room and wither away. I skipped out on my second-to-last class and went to the Galleria with XY. We had lunch there and decided to see Insomnia. Pretty decent (and freaky beyond belief), I thought, and definitely much better than Unfaithful, which I saw Tuesday with XY. Honestly, any movie in which a 200-pound man immediately dies after being struck on the head twice with a snowglobe should be banned for lack of believability! What's sad is that I still had to hold onto XY during the scene, because it was so graphic that it scared me to death. I of course expected that from Insomnia, based on the content of the preview. But Unfaithful -- I thought it would be another hokey, pathetic romance (which I is why I wanted to see it).

2002-06-02T02:41:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Tail of the Sun - Stroke 9
How I Feel           Okay, but a little tired.
Last Thoughts   Hmm, something to think about...

"She was talking about someone she had been very close to about a year ago, and the fact that now, they don't even speak to each other... I think the hardest part about something like that, is the fact that someone who really knows you well no longer wants to have anything to do with you. It's someone you've been close to for various periods of time, and something will happen that changes the way you feel about each other. In some situations, both people, or maybe just one person will try as hard as they can to mend things... usually, though, it's best to just let nature run its course and know that some day your paths may cross again." XX, regarding the evolution of friendships

2002-06-01T20:00:00.000-05:00

XY: I mean, Lynda, I'm not even her type. I've always known that.
lYNdAlN: Yeah, but there's a reason why she's not with them.
lYNdAlN: And if she's going out with the same type...
lYNdAlN: And she keeps breaking up with them...
lYNdAlN: Then maybe it's the wrong type.
XY: It's just...I want her to know how I feel. I want it off my chest so I can move on with my life. There's only one thing bothering me.
lYNdAlN: What's that?
XY: I am XY.
XY: Girls don't like the idea of XY having feelings like this. XY is the emergency "cry on your shoulder" guy, the neutral party...
XY: One, this will freak her out, and two, I don't want to lose my friendship with her.
lYNdAlN: Hmm...
XY: But if I don't say anything, this is gonna eat at me for another two years.
lYNdAlN: At worst what do you think will happen?
XY: I freak her out and she avoids me forever.
XY: Or, other option, I keep on ignoring this nagging I got for her until I replace it with someone else. Painful, either way.
lYNdAlN: At best what do you think will happen?
XY: She says no but ignores all the awkwardness, which I won't feel because I've been feeling it for years. Or, she may reciprocate, in which I will be scared shitless.
XY: But part of me keeps on saying, "XY, if you don't say something, this will keep on getting repressed and might mess you up psychologically some day."
XY: What do you think I should do?
lYNdAlN: Hmmm.
XY: Let it eat away at me and keep things as they are, which is livable. Or face my demons?
lYNdAlN: I don't know what I would do if in your situation.
lYNdAlN: If you knew what you wanted out of it...
lYNdAlN: You could see if it would outweigh the risk involved.
XY: Why didn't I come up with this before?
lYNdAlN: I don't want to pressure you one way or another though. To tell her or not tell her, I mean.
XY: Well, I have a plan here. I'll start telling the truth. Replace the "sophomore year" with junior year of high school, and replace the mysterious "her" with your name. And instead of a couple of years, make it six. And instead of today me thinking of you, make it two weeks ago and every night since then.
XY: Can't believe I just did that. I'm not sure if I feel better or sick.
lYNdAlN: I am confused...
lYNdAlN: Did I just miss something?
XY: Let me do this again.
lYNdAlN: Okay.
XY: Four years ago, I made the mistake of not asking you out to prom. That has bothered me ever since, and every time I talk you, for the past four years, I get butterflies in my stomach.
XY: Two weeks ago, after I chatted with you again, I guess all the changes in my life sparked me to re-evaluate myself. And there was only one thing bothering me from my past...you.
XY: I drove home one night thinking of you for no damned reason at all.
XY: And that freaked me out. And then I realized I was actually mature enough to admit that I liked you, that I had always liked you. But like I said, I'm no XY or XY.
XY: I'm XY...
XY: So, I've spent the past week talking to XX, XX, and my current lab partner, telling them the same story I told you just to get the balls to say something.
lYNdAlN: (I am still here)
XY: I'm growing up, and I need to start taking responsibilities for my feelings.
XY: So there. Like I said, I don't really need a yes or no from you. I just needed you to know, that ever since I first met you, I thought you were special.
XY: It's kinda funny. I don't like you because you're hot, which you are. And I don't like you for any particular reason.
XY: The only two things I can pin down are: that mousy smile you have and your general sweetness...which may come from a certain level of naivety, which I'm not sure about.
XY: I tried very hard to be that shoulder for you in high school, because I always figured that was as close as I could ever get.
XY: fini
XY: So, how about those Astros?
lYNdAlN: I don't know what to say...
lYNdAlN: No, I do but then I don't.
lYNdAlN: Meaning there are a lot of things going through my mind right now.
XY: Yeah, that always happens around me.
XY: Maybe it's better not to say anything right now.
lYNdAlN: ... if that is what you want, okay.
XY: Tell you what...talk to XX if that helps.
XY: She knows everything I told you.
lYNdAlN: Does she know it's me?
XY: Who do you think I asked first???
XY: However, no matter what you think, I still want to have that lunch...without any awkwardness, okay?
lYNdAlN: Of course.
XY: It took me a week to figure out how to do this. Maybe I shouldn't have done it the long way, but it was the only way to explain without freaking you out.
XY: Until the very end.
lYNdAlN: ... I think what surprises me is that all this time, I really didn't know.
XY: Yes.
XY: I knew, but I always ignored it. For the sake of the XYs and XYs and such out there.
lYNdAlN: Well XY was silly fantasy.
lYNdAlN: And XY... lol.
lYNdAlN: I dated him for the wrong reasons too.
lYNdAlN: Which turned out to be a mistake.
XY: Well I can't say that I'm very good for you, even though part of me wants to be.

2002-05-30T01:11:00.000-05:00

It's been a week. Bite me, Blogger!

What's Playing   The Sweater Song - Weezer
How I Feel           Tired as hell
Last Thoughts   What an unbelievable week.

So I have to collect my thoughts... I'm not sure if I am standing still or being carried away. I'll write more tomorrow when I am not so exhausted. As for right now, I feel as though everything is just swirling together.

2002-05-24T23:03:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   All For You - Sister Hazel
How I Feel           Ambitious
Last Thoughts   I can't wait to get to bed.

He leaned in to kiss her. Caught off guard, she closed her eyes and felt the warmth of his mouth in hers. The heat of his finger traced her body, first her neck, then her breasts, and finally, between her legs. She found it hard to breathe, but she did not pull away.

They were still kissing.

Minutes passed, and he was now above her. She began to--

AND THEN, GOD DAMN IT, THE PHONE RANG AND WOKE ME UP.

[edit @ 12:11 AM] I just realized how bad this entry sounds. I am feeling "ambitious," "can't wait to get to bed," and then I refer to an incredibly carnal dream that leaves me daydreamish and insatiable for the rest of the day. D'oh... [/edit]

2002-05-24T02:22:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Finding Me - Vertical Horizon
How I Feel           A bit tired
Last Thoughts   And my goal was to be in bed by midnight.

There are six Starbucks locations all within seven minutes of my house. Does anyone else find this a bit ridiculous? I'm not exaggerating because I can name them all: Stuebner, Louetta, Champions, Willowbrook, Tomball Parkway, and (I think) Jones. There are probably as many Starbucks stores here as there are strip clubs -- and that's a lot! Houston actually has one of the highest numbers of strip clubs per capita. In addition to that, it has also been named for the second year in a row as the "Fattest American City."

If that combination doesn't make one shudder, nothing probably will.

Speaking of events in the news... Apparently the remains of Chandra Levy's body were found on Wednesday in a Washington, D.C. park where she often jogged in. Now police are looking to link her death with a possible serial killer who is thought to have struck two other women (of close age) in the area.

I just don't know what to think of the whole thing -- well if it is even my place to have an opinion. I'll have to admit that before 9/11, the media was doing a pretty good job pointing fingers at Congressman Gary Condit, drawing fine lines between their "relationship" and her disappearance. At the time, before we woke up that sleepy Tuesday to New York's death and destruction, the media practically had America wanting Condit to be involved somehow.

"The first rule in news? If it bleeds, it leads." Up Close and Personal, 1996

That disgusts me. I honestly hope the quotation is just that -- a line from a cheesy movie, and nothing more.

[edit @ 3:00 AM] It's Mark's 21st today -- I hope he gets himself wasted! [/edit]

2002-05-23T22:04:00.000-05:00

I was complaining earlier about going to my summer school class, but woowhee, Mr. Anderson let us out ONE HOUR early. That's a third of the class period! In addition to that generosity, he also postponed the exam till after Memorial Day! Mmmkay, here goes the rest of the blog:

What's Playing   #1 - Nelly
How I Feel           Stuffed from dinner!
Last Thoughts   I'm going to explode, I just know it.

So I broke down... And I had to see Symba again! He's just too cute for words. He does that whole spin-spin-jump-pant thing that dogs do, and honestly, he will melt your heart like a morsel of chocolate in a baking pan. Yeah, I'm on crack, I know. But if there were a "cutest dog" contest, he would win, paws-down.

Speaking of weird things, here's a first for me. I e-mailed a complete stranger -- honestly a person I have never met and do not share mutual acquaintances with -- and asked a semi-personal question: "What university do you attend?" My only defenses are these: curiosity compelled me to do it, and I do have my head screwed on straight -- it's not like I want to get myself killed meeting an antisocial disordered patient! So we'll see how trusting of me the person is, how or if there is a reply to my e-mail. I just think that the world is small and irony-laced, and if I am right about this one, that whole six-degrees bullshit has once again nipped my ass. Which would be rather cool, but also utterly creepy at the same time.

2002-05-23T11:10:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Warning - Greenday
How I Feel           Bouncing off walls and fucking fantastic!
Last Thoughts   Summer school?! Ugh, I'd rather eat my left arm.

I took a drug test this morning -- it was messy, warm, and complicated. My bladder is still recovering, because I drank the entire Harris County supply of water, I'm certain. Anyway, I told the lab technician that women weren't built to pee in a cup, because we're not. After all, there's no easy aim-and-fire mechanism; rather, a combination of yoga and strength training moves are required, not to mention extreme arm stability. Yeah, just another reason why men have it so much easier!

I ended up going out to dinner with XY last night... Before that though, I met Symba -- the world's most adorable dog ever! Now XY warned me, and I realize people say this all the time about their pets, but honestly, I don't think I have ever seen a cuter thing in my life -- Symba was practically an illegal overdose of cuteness, and I don't think I'll recover.

Speaking of things never getting old -- it always amazes me that my height, rather lack of it still surprises people. Honestly, when I think I have heard it all, I'm usually proven wrong:

XY: yesterday i almost hugged over your head
lYNdAlN: What?
XY: when i went to hug you, i almost went over your head accidentally
lYNdAlN: Lol!
XY: i was just like "where did she go?!?"

I said to XY later, "Remind again why this is amusing...?" I swear, tall people take such cheap shots. Just kidding.

2002-05-22T03:04:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Si Senor - Control Machete
How I Feel           Mmm, I feel so good...
Last Thoughts   Today was a wonderful day.

I'll have to thank XY sometime for sharing this song with me because I love it... It just tickles me!

Mmm, I don't even know what made today such a great day. Nothing exciting happened, I actually didn't get that much sleep, and summer school was boring as ever, but the hours passed and things were just... good. I love days like that -- that warm, indescribable feeling that clings to you, makes your lips curl up at the edges, and the world just won't stop agreeing with you.

Today was one of those days, and I just couldn't stop smiling! I probably looked silly, but haha, who doesn't? Anyway, I know it was a happy, fuzzy day because I caught myself chugging along I-45 this morning, going 60 mph. Sixty! Practically unheard of -- a mere five mph over the posted speed limit.

Everyone who knows anything about me knows that I speed like a gazelle on the road. In my opinion, driving 60 mph on a Texas highway is an insult not only to one's self, but to one's car and to the other drivers on the road. If you're not going at least 70 mph, get the fuck on the sidewalk and use a tricycle.

Luckily, I've only been ticketed twice in my four years of driving. Both for speeding of course. The first time was during senior year of high school, going 32 in a 20 school zone -- I didn't realize it was past 2pm -- and the second time was on the eve of Thanksgiving this past year (Wellborn by Kyle Field), going 50 in a 35 zone. My first mistake was speeding on a virtually deserted road (it was about 10pm and everyone had gone home to eat turkey), and my second mistake was failing to watch for police cars. Anyway, thank goodness for defensive driving!

About last night though... I think the IM conversation with XY really put things into perspective regarding XY. XY said a lot of things that I needed to hear, especially since I was throwing a post-breakup tantrum -- complete with bitterness, cynicism, and just huffy-puffiness (I hate that about myself).

The bottom line is that dating XY wasn't a waste, and yes, I did learn a few things:

(one) I am capable of being part of a long distance relationship. Even though XY and I weren't right for each other, I have a better understanding of what a long distance relationship involves and it's something I would probably explore again.
(two) Even though things didn't work out, and most of the horrible comments people made to me about my long distance relationship ultimately came true, XY and I made it a lot farther than we were give credit for. Our relationship still developed into something more and something better than what we had started out with... even though now much of that has been lost because we did break up.
(three) I should trust myself more. My judgment is right on target more than I think, and XY is right -- there are little signs that will guide me to make the right decisions. Whether it be to act on something or to bail, experience will help me to figure which is which and what to do.
(four) There are things that I experienced with XY that I will probably never experience again with anyone else. That alone is enough. Even if for a moment, he and I shared something unique to us.

The “what if” really gnaws at me. The unknown, the potential, what could have been… How would XY and I have turned out if we weren’t separated by 500 miles? Was distance the only deciding factor in the breakup?

“Even a brick wants to be something.” Louis Kahn, architect

So the possibility of becoming more than what he and I were is what brought us together. We wanted to be something, together – who doesn’t, right? – but the irony is that it's what broke us up too.

2002-05-21T02:06:00.000-05:00

What's Playing   Tiny Dancer - Elton John
How I Feel           Eh, I'm alright.
Last Thoughts   I have some pretty hokey mp3s in my collection...

XY: hey my hot asian lover
lYNdAlN: Hey.
XY: how are you
lYNdAlN: Been better.
lYNdAlN: And you?
XY: whats wrong
XY: im really tired i worked a double today to get done with my training
lYNdAlN: Awww.
XY: so tell me whats wrong
lYNdAlN: When will you be done with training?
XY: im done
lYNdAlN: Oh, okay.
XY: this stupid bitch manager wanted me to do another training shift but three of my favorite managers put her in her place tonight
lYNdAlN: I thought you had more but were trying to speed through.
lYNdAlN: What a bitch.
XY: yup
lYNdAlN: ... to answer your question, XY and I broke up, and it was for the best.
lYNdAlN: But the part where we go back to being friends just sucks.
lYNdAlN: You know?
lYNdAlN: I mean, what the hell are we supposed to talk about now?
XY: flowers and unicorns and poetry
lYNdAlN: Yeah. We could also talk about homosexual ass rapings.
XY: true
XY: brb need to go get my other beer
lYNdAlN: To be honest, I don't even know what to say to him even if I wanted to talk. And it just hurts. The worst part of the break up is what happens afterwards. It's not any of the stuff that leads up to it or the all time you invest in it before you actually start dating the person.
XY: ok im back
XY: i know hun
XY: ill drink this beer for both of us
lYNdAlN: Good, 'cause when I went drinking the other night, I puked.
XY: hehehe your first over 21 puke
XY: i havent had mine yet
XY: so talk to me babe let me help cheer you up
lYNdAlN: ... I don't know what to say.
lYNdAlN: It's like everything has been said.
lYNdAlN: And I don't like to bitch.
lYNdAlN: And I care too much about XY to talk badly about him. Besides, I don't really have anything bad to say about him.
lYNdAlN: It's just frustrating because I feel like the relationship was a waste.
XY: it wasnt
lYNdAlN: ... how do you know this?
XY: ive been from shitty relationship to shitty relationship and ive learned something from all of them and you had a good one with him (long distance and maybe foolish to get into but still good)
XY: you just have to look at it as a life experience and be glad it happened
XY: sometimes you dont realize what you learn until much later
lYNdAlN: Maybe I learned not to get into a long distance relationship with a person who I knew had doubts to begin with.
lYNdAlN: I know it sounds like I am bitter... I don't mean for it to be.
XY: dont worry about how it sounds
lYNdAlN: ... what did you learn from the relationships with each of your ex girlfriends?
XY: what i like, what i dont like, when i should bail if something similar happens
XY: you know all sorts of good to know shit
lYNdAlN: ... what are signs that you should bail?
XY: i dont know there are just feelings that you get that you are afraid to act on sometimes and ive learned not to be afraid of those feelings anymore and to bail when i feel i should to spare me from getting hurt
XY: i didnt think it was fair for you but it made you happy so i didnt say anything
lYNdAlN: What did you think was unfair?
XY: that you started out in a relationship that was long distance
XY: because i love XX but i hate our long distance relationship my love for her is just more powerful than the hate i have for the distance between us
lYNdAlN: Yeah.
lYNdAlN: I see what you're saying.
lYNdAlN: Well it was easier when I was certain he wanted to be in it as much as I did.
lYNdAlN: The problem started when he would pull away from me.
XY: yeah
XY: yeah
lYNdAlN: It's harder to invest yourself when you know the other person isn't.
lYNdAlN: I didn't go into it blindly. I knew it would be hard, but I was ready for the challenge and the commitment.
lYNdAlN: ... as for now, I have some rethinking to do.
lYNdAlN: I always say I won't get into another relationship...
lYNdAlN: But seriously, this time I am going to try not to, no matter how much I like the other person. If he is the right one for me, it will work out no matter what, right?
lYNdAlN: (I've been watching too much Dawson's Creek, maybe.)
XY: yeah
XY: but you need to have as many relationships as you can
lYNdAlN: Sometimes I think that too.
lYNdAlN: But the more you have, I think the less likely you will invest as much into.
XY: suck as many dicks as you can and let as many tongues as possible taste your pussy
lYNdAlN: Haha.
lYNdAlN: Yes, but those are flings, not relationships.
lYNdAlN: Well, I think I bitched enough for tonight.
XY: you didnt bitch
XY: you just talked
XY: but you can talk about something else if you want
lYNdAlN: Mmm...
lYNdAlN: You know what would taste really good right now?
XY: a penis in your mouth?
XY: no what
lYNdAlN: Hahaha...
lYNdAlN: Some sweet cream ice cream from Marble Slab.
XY: yeah
lYNdAlN: When do you start work work?
lYNdAlN: Since you are finished with training?
XY: thursday night
lYNdAlN: Ah.
XY: well ive had a long day im gonna go to bed ill talk to you later babe
lYNdAlN: Mmmkay...
lYNdAlN: Thank you for listening earlier.
XY: not problem ill do anything for you
lYNdAlN: I hope you get some sleep and have a good day tomorrow.
XY: me too
XY: you have a good day tomorrow too
XY: ill talk to you later hun
XY: nite
lYNdAlN: Goodnight.
XY signed off at 12:11:57 AM.

2002-05-20T01:24:00.000-05:00

Eh, my first official blog was a bit long, so here goes the rest of it. I wrote most of it yesterday at 221pm also.

What's Playing   Question - Old 97's
How I Feel           Absolutely wired!
Last Thoughts   I'm going on a road trip with XY tomorrow!

"I'm thinking how funny it is that a cynical bastard like myself should get so much enjoyment out of a song that's so innocent and so cheesy romantic." XY, regarding "Question" by Old 97's

He said a lot of things, but what he really meant was...

"I want to be with you. Oh wait, never mind! I got confused and now I want to hide in this corner until you realize something is wrong and break up with me instead. Sorry!"

Well, the hurt isn't as bad I as I thought it would be (since I saw it coming), but it's still enough. It'll probably always be there, because that's just who I am -- a collection of all the emotional, behavioral, cognitive, and romantic experiences of my life. Which is not necessarily a good or a bad thing -- I just don't want to psychologically become the pack rat that I behaviorally am (i.e., moving out of the dorms was SUCH a pain the ass, and I vow never to bring that much stuff again):

"Her smile was glassy, and she was ransacking her mind for something to say, finding nothing in it but used Kleenex and costume jewelry." Cat's Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Heh, I love that quotation, but sometimes I wonder if I also am carrying extra baggage "up there." Anyway, I still care very much for XY, though I would never tell him so; after all, that would be redundant -- one, he should already know this, and two, my actions have reflected and should reflect this affection.

I only wonder how he has changed or will change my perspective on relationships in general. For now, it is too soon to tell, but n months into the future, will I look back at this experience with appreciation, apathy, or bitterness?

I just hope he and I are able to remain close friends without too much effort. That artificial, forced friendliness always disgusts me. I would rather throw myself into a pile of fire ants than go through artificial amiability and the extreme cognitive dissonance that shortly follows it.

... and then there's making out with XY four days after the break up.

XY said I was on the rebound. I told him I wasn't. Sure, I just got out of a relationship, but "on the rebound" implies three things: one, I can easily bounce between guys, two, I want to bounce between guys, and three, I actually bounce between guys.

So yes, the incident with XY happened (requirement three). Further analysis would show that it didn't "just happened" though. I rarely believe things like that "just happen" unless one or both parties are completely incoherent (i.e., asleep, intoxicated, legally insane), so I suppose to an extent, I did want to make out with XY (requirement two). Now did I do it with ease? That's debatable. I suppose I am two-thirds "on the rebound."

Despite what happened with XY, I can still say that I still care about XY... I know, I know -- that sounds like such a line. I don't mean for it to. It's just that I figure, what do I possibly have to gain by dwelling on the past? It's time to move on, and the faster it happens, the further along I will be. After all, XY and I are not together for a reason -- we're not right for one another -- so the chance that we will date again is practically nil. I just wish I could get over him faster than I currently am.

2002-05-19T17:51:00.000-05:00

Okay, I actually wrote this earlier at 221pm and didn’t post it because I was certain Blogger would eat it!

What's Playing   Where is My Mind? - The Pixies
How I Feel           So... very... tired!
Last Thoughts   It's summer! And it's 70 degrees outside!

A brief timeline of events:

Wednesday, May 8: Finals end
Thursday, May 9: XX and I move out of Neeley
Friday, May 10: Tie up some loose ends in College Station; Visit XY in Hotard; Spend the day with XX in College Station; Spend the evening with XX and XY in Houston
Saturday, May 11: A whole lot of nothing, whoop
Sunday, May 12: Break up with XY unofficially
Monday, May 13: Start summer school at NHCC, bah; Help XY's mom pack up her classroom; Happy birthday to Alison and Mike!; Spend the evening with XY; Break up with XY officially
Tuesday, May 14: I honestly can't remember!
Wednesday, May 15: My 21st birthday, WHOOP
Thursday, May 16: Request transfer at work
Friday, May 17: Transfer at work is approved; XY and XY take me drinking and I puke, ugh; XX tries weed in XY's car, haha

So my last final was eleven days ago. And I thought that with the end of school would come the end of chaos. Was I ever wrong! It seems that since then, I have wandered into my own Wonderland:

"`Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat. `I don't much care where.' said Alice. `Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat." Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

So think of me as Alice. Aside from completing summer school classes and working, anything else I explore in these next three months is totally up in the air. Thus no me importa which path I choose.

2002-05-19T17:34:00.000-05:00

Yay for David! If he hadn't helped me with my account, I would still be sitting here, puzzled and staring at a browser error message -- my frustration with Blogger at an ultimate high. Now I can start blogging. Thanks, David -- you're the best!

I am going to hug you so hard your body will implode.

2002-05-19T16:57:00.000-05:00

Hi, I'm David, and I'm much cooler than Lynda.

2002-05-18T21:27:00.000-05:00

Hi, I'm Lynda and I'm a sexy chick.